If conversations with your child turn into arguments and you suddenly find yourself in the unenviable position of being cross examined and caught in your words, you might realize that the child whom you raised to become a future lawyer is already practicing his skills on you. This miniature Perry Mason debates how to stop our kid arguing with their parents instead of they should obey, argues when compliance would take less than a minute, and present compelling evidence when you forbid something. In small doses this might be endearing, but on a day to day basis it is draining, frustrating and disrupts a family.

Learning how to nip arguing and back talking in the bud does not have to be difficult but it requires three components:

1. A parental willingness to hear out the child completely.
2. A willingness to reconsider a rule or decision that might prove to have been less than well thought out.
3. A steely determination to consistently stick by your guns and when a well deserved “no” is issued, it does not change to a “yes,” no matter how long the child wheedles and whines.

Consider the many faces that arguing and back talking can take. Some are obvious while others are a bit more hidden.

The Repeater
The child will repeat the request time and again, sometimes at odd moments. He may catch you unawares or you may see it coming. No matter what the occasion he presents and the arguments that accompany the request do not bother repeating your answer. Say it only once and then simply refrain from saying anything else. You may opt to walk away or ignore him otherwise. At some point your child will catch on that endless repetition will not wear you down to complying with his wishes.

The Complainer
He is not happy with your decision and he makes sure you know it. He might mutter all the way through completing the task, but it will get done. Eventually, when he notices that no amount of complaining changes anything, he will quit. One caveat: if the child becomes rude or disrespectful in his complaints, it is time to bring down some consequences.

Dealing with an immediate lack of compliance does not have to turn into an argument. Instead, there are some ways of preempting such a problem before it even starts. Perhaps the easiest way is to set some ground rules. Kids love to talk things through and if you explain that every good debate needs rules, they will be happy to sit down with you and plot them. This is best done when you are not in the midst of an argument already.

Some of the rules to discuss are obvious:

• There will be no screaming, yelling, and name calling.
• Every person is allowed to finish their sentences.
• Voices must remain at normal levels.
• No sarcasm and little jabs.
• A parental end of discussion statement, such as “this topic is no longer open for discussion.”

Another possible way of diffusing an argument is by way of choices. When a child is offered choices, he is less likely to argue. Granted, there may be times when a child does not like either choice offered, but in such moments the parent must remain firm that there is no third option. The parent should encourage their children to engage with positive activity.